The ‘Fractured’ Client: Bringing Wholeness to the Self Via Parts Work
The shift from transactional to
transformational listening.
Recently, I was chatting with Lyssa DeHart, and we got on the topic of Parts Work, specifically how it might occur in coaching.
That conversation got me thinking about facilitation, being in the moment, staying in the coaching lane (rather than going into therapy territory), and the difference between transactional questions and transformational ones.
Oh…I also went a bit rogue and pondered how reflective observation can be incredibly powerful as well.
What is Parts Work?
Essentially, parts work is a conversation that might take place when your client is experiencing an internal conflict or disconnect.
You’ve probably heard someone, or maybe even yourself say, “Part of me wants to do X,” sometimes followed by, “…and another part of me thinks I should do Y.”
It’s such a common phrase that it’s easy to miss the deeper context of this comment in the moment; but take a pause here, go back and re-read those statements with an awareness of conflicting points-of-view.
What do you notice?
These ‘parts’ are elements of your client. They each have rules about how they do their job, ideas about what your client is allowed to do in life, possibly even what they are permitted to achieve or express (like emotions), and are doing their best to keep your client safe and protected, as they think the job should be done.
When these parts are in conflict, your client feels the tension of this competition, but they might not be looking deeper within to understand the roots of the issue, such as the beliefs that are driving their reactions, and how their parts are elements of a much larger whole, which is the person themself.
Ultimately, the goal of Parts Work is to understand the energies of the parts and integrate them in a way that supports the client’s forward progress.
Key Concepts to Parts Work
While it may feel like your client’s parts are holding them back from success, the reality is that they aren’t, at least not directly. Their primary function is keeping your client safe.
1. Our parts are NEVER trying to harm us. They are ALWAYS working to protect us.
2. Our parts typically learned their job when we were younger, and are still operating from that job description years & decades later.
3. Our parts can be given a new job description and re-integrated to align with our current sense of self.
4. Sometimes parts who learned their jobs at different times in your client’s life might have competing priorities that create an inner conflict.
And yes, we all have subordinate parts to our personality. Let’s be clear here: these are not divergent elements, such as experienced in dissociative identity disorder (that is firmly in the space of therapy); they are subordinate and are acting somewhat under the surface of the client’s awareness.
In the end, these parts are merely portions of the wholeness of your client. Understanding them and their motivations can create profound impact in your client’s sense of self, their confidence, and their actions.
Is Parts Work Allowed in Coaching?
While it sounds like a therapy technique, which is what Parts Therapy is, Parts Work is a tool that can be utilized in coaching. Yes, even ICF coaching.
What are the distinctions between ‘Work’ and ‘Therapy’? Well, for me, there are two:
1. For coaching, the Parts Work MUST stay entirely in the present.
2. For Coaching, the Parts Work MUST NOT be facilitated around any diagnosis words from the DSM5, like ‘depression,’ ‘anxiety,’ and even ‘burnout.’
Parts conversations are a tool and a technique. How you engage with the tool will determine if you’re using it in a therapy way or in a coaching way.
What Do These Parts Represent?
As we dive deeper on this topic, let’s explore the concept that the parts of your client could represent many different things.
The Binary Model of The Divided Self
The parts in conflict could represent be the learned/ego self living by the rules versus the client’s Higher/True self which is calling them forward to greatness to create their own rules for life.
The binary model also encompasses the Shadow v Rational Self; the Angel & Devil experience, and the Imposter Self v the True Self.
The Triad Model of the Divided Self
They could also represent the client’s three brains: their Head, their Heart, and their Gut, each playing by different rules and expectations; one thinking, one feeling, and one reacting.
The triad model also includes: Mind/Body/Spirit; Inner Child/Inner Parent/Inner Adult; Ego/Id/Super-Ego divisions.
The Many-Parts Model of The Divided Self
Or, the parts could be protective ideas and energies that are operating subconsciously, even though the client is aware of the disturbance they are creating.
Two of the most familiar models of the Many-Parts model are Internal Family Systems and Positive Intelligence.
The Coaching Credential Progression ACC, PCC, MCC
As I have outlined many times in videos, the progression from ACC to PCC to MCC can be described as “Crawl before you Walk before you Run (or Fly).”
Each mode of transportation will get you to your destination, but you must get comfortable with them in order of progression so that you maintain balance as you pick up speed.
The other way I’ve described it is, “ACC is about facilitating the what or problem; PCC is a hybrid session that facilitates both the what/problem and the who/person; MCC sessions are focused on the who/person wholly.
With that, ACC sessions tend to be a bit more transactional in nature, while PCC and MCC sessions move into transformational spaces which help the client to consider themselves, how they are showing up, how they are creating/exacerbating the problem, and how to resolve it from a new level of awareness about themselves.
Ultimately, the more we can increase our awareness of ourselves, the fewer problems we will encounter. At a high enough level of awareness, there are in fact, no problems; there are only solutions.
FAQ: How Might ACC, PCC, and MCC Coaches Approach Parts Work Differently?
Let’s play with the imaginary client statement above: “Part of me is wants to do X.”
First note: Even though the client has not shared that there is a second part in play, notice that the sentence implies a separation of self. Part of them wants X and they are aware of it…thus there is an observer present as well. Noticing that is a skill of deeper listening – realizing that something is not being said in words, but is being conveyed in ideas.
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An ACC question here might be, “Tell me more about that part of you.” It’s a nice reflective statement that invites deeper exploration. It stays a bit on the surface, but does offer an opportunity for the client to share their awareness of the part.
Another ACC question that’s slightly deeper could be “Part of you wants to…what do YOU want to do?” This question is a bit deeper because it calls out the unspoken other-self that’s implied in the statement.
In both questions, notice the focus is on doing. From here the conversation will probably center on actions, pros/cons of those actions, and maybe a little inquiry around how the client is feeling about taking action.
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Now let’s jump to PCC facilitation, which will offer inquiry and exploration into emotions and deeper level processing.
“How do you feel about that part of you wanting to do that?”
“What do you want to say to that part of you?”
“If this part had its way, how would you feel?”
“What other parts of you are at play in this situation?”
At this level of inquiry, we’re opening awareness to explore emotions and beliefs around the situation. Notice that the questions above are not focused on actions to be taken, but on diving below the surface of the client’s experience.
This type of presence and questioning allows the client space to explore themselves in ways that they may not have considered before, really noticing how elements of themselves that may have always been present might be shaping their reality.
At a PCC level, we might close the session with action-taking questions that incorporate the client’s new awareness: “How will you approach this decision differently now that you know what you’ve learned about yourself here today?”
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And, now MCC facilitation.
Here we’re focused the whole person in front of us. (Do you see it? Whole…not separated into parts; maybe a collection/collective of those parts, but ultimately whole.)
“I’m sensing a conflict (or tension) here.” (Observational statement of the client’s energy, if they seem to be struggling. If they were to be aligned more harmoniously with a part, you might reflect that instead, “I’m sensing a flow (or peacefulness) here.”) Parts engage at all levels of energy.
When you make a reflective observation like this, please resist the temptation to add to it. Just let it sit, and let the client engage with it in silence. This is deep stuff.
Other options:
“Where is the rest of you?”
“What part of you is that?” (This question might open a head/heart/gut conversation, or even bring forward the ideas of the learned-self vs the true self, possibly even the awareness of an imposter state vs an empowered self.)
“If you were whole, what would you be experiencing?” (This question addresses the separation and offers the idea of an integrated whole self.)
Integration
Ultimately, we must meet our client where they are at. Some will be open to a deeper dive of self introspection, while others will be content to stay at the surface and work to change their behaviors.
Honor your client’s process and allow them to integrate their discoveries in their own time, at their own pace.
That will result in a sustainable experience of wholeness that rushing results will never achieve.
For Your Own Wholeness Journey
It is impossible to coach a client to a greater level of wholeness than you have created & experienced for yourself.
To help you on with conscious awareness of your parts, acceptance of their roles in your life, and integration to your Whole Self, we’ve created this four-page PDF filled with journal prompts and practices for your ongoing growth.
Download this FREE resource here or by clicking on the image.
MCXI Institute | Daniel Olexa and Monselete Bowden
